"Justin Randall Timberlake."
"What?" He faked innocence. "I'm just saying, the rent is cheap-."
"I'm not living above a strip club."
"It'll give me something to do when you're at school or at work."
I raised my arm, preparing to punch him in the arm, and he raised his hands in defense.
"Okay, okay, fine," he laughed, "Just don't hit me."
I lowered my arm, sucking on my teeth as I watched him crack himself up. The jerk actually thought he was funny.
It had been a little over a week since he'd proposed to me at Tony's party, and ever since things between us had been pretty amazing. There wasn't an ounce of drama seeping into our relationship, other than baby related mini-arguements, and we were finally getting back to our normal selves. Infact, the major mystery in our relationship had been solved by the PD a few days ago. What happened to Mike and Jonny?
"Remember those niggas they were dealing with out West?" Marcus had asked Justin.
I didn't have any idea what they were talking about, but Justin nodded in agreement.
"They were supposed to leave the next mornin' right?"
"Yeah," Marcus nodded. "But they didn't, because you had been over there. Since you took their stash, they didn't have the cash for the tickets. So, the boys out West had some of their men from around here take care of business."
"So, whoever they were dealing with on the coast went to their house after you guys had left and killed them because they figured Mike and Johnny were trying to run off without paying them back?" I clarified.
"Yeah. No one saw them roll up either, and those two didn't tell anybody they were in trouble because-."
"They didn't wanna look weak," Justin nodded.
It all made sense. But the best part was that now they knew what had really gone on, Justin wasn't a murder suspect anymore. Which meant, he wanted his 'baby' back. Baby not being me or the child I was carrying, baby being that gun I hid in the shop for him. We were going to go by the shop tonight, once we left here, and pick it up. Here, being my Mom's house, where we were currently goofing off in the computer room.
"You two okay back there?" her voice echoed down the hall.
"We're fine Mom," I called back, feeling like I was 15 years old with a boy in my room again.
We were occupying her office, looking up apartments in Virginia Beach. Justin didn't have a computer in his apartment, and I had one, but there was no internet connection. I used it mainly for writing papers for school. So, here we were, surfing the rent.com webpage.
"Hey, wanna sneak in the closet and fool around?" Justin wiggled his eyebrows.
I rolled my eyes, taking the mouse from his hand and clicking the back button.
"After that apartment above the strippers joke? No." I was just being a brat for no reason. I'd been doing that a lot lately, hormones.
I knew he was rolling his eyes and he reached up to massage my shoulders.
"Baaaaabyyyyy," he sang, "I was joking."
I changed the criteria on the search page and hit enter.
"Baaaaaabyyyyyy."
I scrolled down the results page a little.
"Lee." He was no longer singing to me, but saying my name sternly.
"What?"
"Are you listening to me?"
I turned around to give him a glare, "I'm trying to get this done. If you're not gonna help then leave."
I turned back to the computer. A moment later I felt someone sucking on the back of my neck.
"Stop," I tried to shrug him off. He didn't relent however, going back to what he had been doing before.
This time I tried to simply ignore him, but he wasn't having any of that. Without warning he pulled me back, laying my body across his lap, and procedded to blow a raspberry on my belly button. I pulled my kneews up, or tried to rather, since his arm was laying over my thighs, and put my hands over my exposed belly, trying to hid myself. Not only did I not want him blowing raspberries on me, but I didn't want him examining my ever-expanding waist line in the light. I was growing more and more obese by the day, though he refused to acknowledge it. Regardless, I giggled like a little kid before I could help myself.
"Don't do that."
"What? This?" He pulled my hands away, blowing another one.
I giggled again, louder this time.
"Stop it!"
"What are you two doing back here?" My mother rounded the corner and stopped in the doorway.
Justin and I froze, me laying over his lap, stomach exposed, and shy nervous grins on our faces. My Mom rolled her eyes at us and turned to leave.
He looked down at me, his eyes glistening happily. He was such a weirdo sometimes. I sat up, running a hand through my hair. I was sure it was a big poof now with all this flinging back and forth and what not.
"Justin, you need to focus. We're leaving here in 6 days and we still don't have a place of our own."
"I don't want an apartment Lee," he whined slightly, resting his chin on my shoulder, "I want us to raise our baby in a house."
"Baby so do I but, let's just go one step at a time okay? We can get a little apartment, and then start house hunting after we both find jobs and get settled in the area a little."
I felt his chest expand and then collapse as he sighed heavily. Justin could be a little impatient sometimes. I turned to look at him, and he dropped a kiss on my lips before his fingers squeezed my hips.
"When are we getting married?"
I'd been putting off deciding on all the details for our wedding. When I thought about it, it just seemed like a big project. Dresses, flowers, people, places. When was I going to have time to organize all of that? Justin had taken a 'just tell me where and what time and I'll show up' approach, so he was going to be no help whatsoever. And another thing, where were we going to get the money for all of that when we were planning on leaving in less than a week? I'd decided to drop my classes, and had gotten a return on my tuition for the semester. There was no point in continuing if I was going to be leaving anyways, and this way we'd have an extra few hundred dollars to help us out. Now I was spending my days working hard in the shop, making as much as I could. Justin had returned to his construction job. They'd finished the apartments on 5th, and were now renovating a housing complex on East 67th St.
The most important dillema that was keeping me from making any decisions was how was I supposed to pick a date? I mean, this was going to be the happiest day of my life. How am I supposed to decide when the happiest day of my life would occur? Should we pick one of our birthdays? But, those days were already special. We should make a new special day. I always wanted a summer wedding, but, summer seemed like forever and a day away. I wanted to marry Justin right now, I wouldn't be able to wait that long. In fact, the only thing that I was certain of was....
"I'd be nice if we could do it before we left for Virginia Beach. Start our new life together in a new place as husband and wife instead of fiance and fiancee," I picked up one of his larger hands and began playing absentmindedly with his fingers.
"Yeah. Moving away would be like a permanent honeymoon," he smiled.
And that's another thing. Where were we going to get the money for a honeymoon? Weddings were so damn stressful. And the longer we waited, the bigger I was going to get. I refused to buy some giant white dress to fit over my giant pregnant belly. No. I wouldn't.
We stayed at my Mom's for dinner, which Justin was happy about. I figured it would be good for us to waste some time before we went over to the shop and retreived his 'baby'. We were hoping that no one would still be working, but there was really no telling. Georgina had cooked some homemade lasgana with a simple salad and garlic bread. Justin, of course, had his face buried in the plate while my Mom and I chatted.
"So, did you guys find anything?" She asked sipping on her wine while Justin and I sipped on our red Kool-Aid. I was pregnant and he was driving, so there was no alcohol for us tonight.
"We haven't found anything yet, but we have a few in mind."
"Actually we did have one Ma, but she just being picky," Justin said licking his lips.
My Mom looked over at him and then at me as I shot him a glare.
"What he is talking about, is living over a strip club."
She laughed shaking her head.
"Ma, it was cheap. It wasn't one of those hole-in-the-wall strip clubs, but she's just picky as hell," Justin explained.
I rolled my eyes.
"Anyways, I have an idea of the one I want. I'm going to call them up tomorrow after I get off work." I forked a piece of lasgana into my mouth.
She nodded. "If you want any help don't hestiate to ask honey."
I smiled over at her.
"Thanks Mom."
I loved my Mom. She was constantly offering to help, but as much as she wanted to there wasn't much for her to do really, except help us move at the end. Michael had also offered to help us, but I couldn't really ask that of him either. I didn't know him very well, and it just didn't seem right.
As we sat at the table still conversating, we heard the front door creep open. I looked at my Mom and she looked back at me with a confused look on her face.
"Who is that?" She asked quietly.
I shrugged.
"Michael doesn't have a key?"
She shook her head.
"No."
I looked over to Justin.
"Go get the door." He was the man here.
He nodded and got up, heading down the hall to the livingroom. Mom and I sat there for a moment, looking at eachother before we got up to follow him. It probably wasn't the best idea, especially if it turned out to be some madman, but I wasn't gonna send my fiance-baby-daddy into a suspitious situation alone. We crept down the hall behind him, peeking our heads around the corner. There was a tall dark brother standing in the foyer with a large bag over his shoulder, wearing an Army uniform.
"Ronald!"
"Ronny!!" My Mom and I made a dash over to him, hugging him tightly.
It was my big brother Ronald, apparently home from the war, which explained the bandage over his eye and lump in his leg. I heard they sent people home if they were really injured.
"Hey Ma." He reached out and hugged her tightly.
"Why didn't you call anyone and tell them that you were coming home?" She slapped him on the arm.
He chuckled, shrinking back.
"I didn't know exactly when I was going to be home. Besided I wanted to surprise you." He turned to me and smiled.
"Leena." He opened his arms up and I hugged him tightly.
"I'm so glad your home," I whispered lightly.
"Who's this?"
I pulled away and followed the direction of his eye. I turned to see Justin standing off the side, watching as we showered my brother with love. I reached for his hand and smiled up at Ron as I pulled Justin over to stand beside me.
"Ron, this is Justin, my fiance."
His eyebrows raised and he looked a little stunned, to say the least. Ronny knew nothing about Justin, because I started spending time with Jay after he had been shipped off to Iraq, so he knew nothing of a boyfriend, let alone a fiance. Justin stepped up and held out his hand.
"What's up Ron? Heard alot about you."
Ron nodded and shook his hand while he chuckled.
"I wish I could say the same too man, but I forgot, Leena don't tell me nothing." He teased.
"Whatever," I smiled.
"Justin proposed to Aleena last week. They're moving to Virginia Beach to have their baby," my Mom supplied.
"Baby?" Ronny's eyes slide down to my stomach and back up to my eyes.
I nodded excitedly and squeezed Justin's hand.
"I'm pregnant."
Again, Ronny's eyebrows raised.
"Well, I leave for a few months and you haul off and turn into a woman on me."
"Yeah, something like that I guess," I smiled.
"Well, anyways, we were just eating dinner. Come on boy let me fix you a plate." Mama pushed Ron into the kitchen area while Justin and I followed behind.
Justin leaned down a little to whisper into my ear.
"You didn't tell me your brother was big like that."
"He never used to be that big. I guess that's what the Army does to you. Why? You scared?" I smirked.
"Hell nah I ain't scared."
I chuckled and nodded. We both knew that he was scared. Your fiancee's brother just gets home from a war to find out that you've knocked up his little sister and put a ring on her finger. I'd be scared.
After dinner and some dessert, and an interogation from my brother, I decided that it was time for us to head over to the shop. I sat in the passenger seat while Justin drove. It was becoming a habit, but I stared to toy with my ring as I looked over Jay, watching as his eyes twinkled in the street lights. We pulled up to the curb in front of the shop and no one was inside, which I was thankful for. We both exited and I took out my keys, unlocking the gate door and then opening the door and turning on the lights while turning off the alarm. I walked further inside and headed straight into the back with Justin right behind me.
"You didn't hide it in your locker did you?" He asked.
I shook my head and pointed to the loose floor board.
"It's underneath there."
He kneeled down, lifting up the floor board and reached down to pull out the gun. It was still wrapped up in the bag I put it in, so I guess no one had messed with it. He pulled it out of the bag and quickly inspected it before wrapped it back up in the bag. It gave me the shivers when he unwrapped it because it took me back to the events that had led to me putting it there.
"All right, let's go."
He took my hand and we headed back out, locking the door and turning the alarm back on. We climbed into the car.
"So, are you going to keep that?" I asked him.
He shrugged.
"I don't know. It probably isn't the best idea, not us having a baby and all."
I smiled.
Justin had been really considerate of the things we did or he did since finding out I was pregnant. He had stopped smoking his blunts and cigarettes, and was making sure that Ray didn't smoke often either, that way it couldn't get stuck in his clothes and inhaled by me. We had gone to the book store yesterday and got a couple of pregnancy books, and he would sit and read them with me. I thought it was wonderful because we just spent our time on the couch or in bed reading over things. Or we would be looking at apartment books, or over at my Mom's house looking up things on the internet. He'd even been slightly toying with the idea of going back to school himself once we were settled.
Now we were laying in his bed reading over baby names. I laid next to him, my head on his chest with my reading glasses on while he held the book out infront of us. We had been flipping through the book for almost an hour now, arguing and rejecting eachothers ideas. Justin handed the book to me in frustration and I sat up to continue to look through it.
"I don't know why you insisted on gettin that book. I already know what I want my child to be named," he said climbing out of the bed and picking up his soft basketball. The mini goal was hanging on the back of the door. Just like a man, huh?
"Oh really? Well, let me hear this," I asked.
The ball bounced back and forth between his hands before he shot it out towards the goal.
"If it's a boy I want his name to be Rebel."
"Rebel?" I rolled my head to look at him.
"Yeah." He scooped the ball up from the floor and shot it out again.
"I don't think so."
"Why not? It's orignal."
"No. It's stupid." I loved him, but I had to be honest with him.
He rolled his eyes.
"Whatever. And if it's a girl, I want her name to be Tamika."
"Tamika?"
"Yes, Tamika."
"I don't want my daughter to have no hood name."
"Well since my names ain't no good, what do you have in mind?"
I sat up, setting the book down in my lap and looking over at him.
"Well, I was thinking Bryan or Brandon for a boy."
"Too common. What about the girl?"
"Allison or Melaine."
"Too white."
I chuckled, grabbing a pillow and chucking it at him.
"You're white!"
"Nah, I'm really black, God just got my color mixed up. A simple mistake." He shot the basketball again and I laughed.
"Mixed up my ass," I told him, laying back down and picking up the book again.
I continued flipping the pages as he continued on with his little basketball game in silence for a few minutes. Then I felt the bed shift and felt him lay his head on my thigh.
"Well, if we can't decide on a name, how about we talk about the wedding?" He suggested.
I folded the corner of the page and set it down before running my hand through his hair.
"I don't know Justin. Everytime I think about it, I just get stressed out. There's so much to do, and we'd have to plan it from Virgina, and fly back over here, cause we can't bring our whole family over there. Where are we going to get the money to do all that anyway?"
Justin calmed my frustrated rant by removing my hand from his hair and kissing the back of it.
"Calm down baby."
"I can't help it. I wish there was some way we could get married and skip all of that." I dropped my other hand over my eyes.
For some reason I'd become really melodramatic lately. I think with everything going I wanted to be a little bit babied when I was alone with Justin, and that was one sure way to get it. It worked like a charm because he sat up, laying next to me and starting to toy with my hair.
"There is."
"Huh?" I parted my fingers to look at him.
"There is. You can go down to City Hall and get it done in a few minutes or whatever. People do it all the time. We could take my Mom, and your Mom and Ronny as witnesses and get it over with."
"Do you want to 'get it over with'?" I asked.
I wasn't sure if I think the way he worded that. Was marrying me some kind of chore to him?
"I don't mean it like that baby girl," he said. "I'm just ready to be married to you. We could skip over those big, expensive weddings with the church and the reception site and 200 people that we barely talk to at family get-togethers. We could take my Mom, and Georgina, and Ronny, and Ray, and I guess Erika," he rolled his eyes as he said her name, "and just do something personal. Just you and me."
I had to admit, the idea of something really intimate like that sounded more like us than any of the other ideas I'd heard.
"Plus I want it done before the baby comes, and at the rate you're going that'll never happen."
"Shut up," I shoved him playfully. "It's only been a week."
"Haven't you been planning this shit since you were a little girl? I mean, ain't girls supposed to pick out all this shit when they're in their tweens? You're supposed to have it all set up already."
I shrugged lightly, watching as he toyed with my fingers.
"I wasn't one of those girls, I guess. But city hall, huh? That might be a good idea."
The following morning was a Saturday, and I had taken the morning off to go see a doctor about the baby. In a perfect world I would have been there the moment I even considered the possibility of being pregnant, but between mine and Justin's schedules, and what was going on at the time, and the lack of insurance there was just no way. I do have to say, that I now have a large amount of repect for clinics like Planned Parenthood. I always had this kinda, shady opinion about them, thinking it was some gross facility where underaged girls went when they got into trouble, but having to go there myself, and seeing the other women who were there, it was alot more than just a place for 16 year olds to go.
When I filled out my paperwork, they had automatically put in an application for me to get on some government health insurance program. I was accepted, and would now be covered for the duration of my pregnancy, and the first year of my baby's life, including any operations and medications that might be needed. The good part was that it wasn't just for Planned Parenthood, I could take it to other hospitals and clinics if I felt more comfortable. During our research, Justin had also discovered a health insurance program for college students and their families, so we were planning on applying for that once I went back to school, then all three of us would be covered until either Justin or I got insurance through our jobs. I was really proud of us for the way we were handling things and the adult decisions we were making together.
Anyways, so here we are, sitting in the back of the waiting room in the Planned Parenthood building. All of the chairs were full, and there was a TV up in the corner paying Pirates of the Caribbean, and none of the children running circles around the room or ripping up magazines were paying attention to it. Five minutes into our wait Justin had turned to me and given me a look that clear said, 'Our baby isn't going to be pulling that shit.' Now he was sitting there, staring out the windows, leg bouncing up and down at 30mph, and gripping my hand. He looked a little worried, I think he'd read to many stories about clinics being bombed by psycho pro-life activists. The setup of the clinic wasn't exactly helping to disprove that scenerio with all of the bullet proof glass and having to be buzzed-in to places. Looking around the room, there were a lot of pregnant girls and new Mom's my age, and not many of them had their boyfriends with them. I didn't know if that was because he was busy with other things, or if he just wasn't in the picture at all, but I was thankful to have mine there. I don't know if I would have been able to go there alone.
"Aleena?"
We both looked up when my name was called.
Justin stood, picking up both of our jackets before reaching for my hand. For a moment I thought he was going to do what my Mom did, and ask if I wanted him to come with me, but then I realized that this was Justin we were talking about. We had a greater chance of actually getting bombed than we did of keeping him out of there.
The nurse smiled at us as we scooted past her through the doorway. The heavy door slammed shut securely behind us and Justin looked a little relieved.
"Follow me please," she lead us down a few white halls and finally into a room that looked like any other examination room I'd ever been in.
She took my blood pressure, tempature, and weighted me, and Justin watched intently from a stool he'd found in the corner of the room.
"Change into this, open part in the back, and the doctor will be in to see you in a moment," she handed me the standard white gown and left the room.
Justin was smirking at me when I turned around to face him.
"What?"
"You gotta stripped down to your skivvies."
I narrowed my eyes on him.
"Shut up, you're not helping."
The reality of the situation had just settled on me, and now I was as nervous as he had been in the waiting room. I'd never been to the doctor for a reason like this before. Before Justin, I'd only slept with one other guy, and he and I were very careful about things like this. I didn't know why they were going to be looking for or what they were going to do to me.
I removed my jeans and sweater, slipped into the paper gown, and Justin tied the strings in the back for me, while commenting on my pink and yellow underwear. When I meerly muttered a 'shut up' in responce he scooted his stool closer to me and took my hand.
"Don't be scared babygirl," he told me softly. "They're just going to look you over and check on the baby and shit."
I looked over at him, pursing my lips. It was the and shit that worried me.
Thankfully, the examiniation wasn't as aweful as I was thinking it might be. They decided I was pregnant, as if my recent weight gaining wasn't enough of a confirmation, and I was approximately 3-4 weeks along. Our conception date matched up with the evening of Justin's second day of work, and I cooked him dinner. I was excited about that, because the other possible time had been the night of the Mike and Jonny incident. It was good thing I kept track of stuff like that, otherwise we'd never know anything sex wise. Unfortunately, that also meant that I was already pregnant when Mike and Jonny had confronted me in Justin's apartment, and somehow I let myself make the mistake of pointing that out to him. He spent the better part of twenty minutes grumbling, "They hurt my fiance, and they could have hurt my kid, and that shit doesn't sit right with me. As far as I'm concerned, those assholes got exactly what they fucking deserved," to himself. It was too early to tell the sex of the baby, but Justin had shown more interest in girl names than boy names, so I guess somewhere in his mind he was hoping for a daughter. A tiny little princess he could spoil rotten, and then leave with me.
"Glad it's over?" He glanced at me as he steered the car towards the shop.
Saturday was a busy day for hairstylists and I wanted to be there, even if I was feeling alittle run down. The doctor said it was normal for me to be having morning sickness, and to being feeling tired and a little out of it. It'd clear up when I got farther into the pregnancy.
"Hell yeah," I glanced at him as I slouched in the passanger seat.
He smiled softly, subconciously rubbing my arm as he drove.
"Hey Jay?"
"Yeah babygirl?"
"What do you think of the name Emerance, for a girl?"
"Emerance?" He gave me a look. "What the hell kind of name is that?"
I shrugged.
"I don't know. I heard it on TV or something. I tried to look it up, to see what it meant or whatever, and it wasn't there, so I don't even know if it's a real word or not. But I don't know, I think I like it."
"Emerance huh? Emerance Timberlake. Well, I don't hate it, I guess."
That was progress. Normally he just rejected all of my name ideas from the jump.
"But we need to think of one for a boy."
"Yeah."
"Do you wanna know the sex? When they're able to tell?"
I didn't know. I hadn't really given that part much thought.
"It would be kind of fun to not know and kind of guess at it," I said.
"Yeah. But it would be hard to decorate a nursery or for people to buy things."
"They wouldn't know whether or not get blue or pink. They'd have to buy yellow stuff."
"Our kids not getting a yellow room. I don't care if it's a boy or a girl, no fuckin' yellow." He turned to look behind himself as he parallel parked.
"Well Justin, it's gotta be something unisex."
"Green. Green is unisex."
I chuckled at him as I got out of the car. He met me at the curb, and held my hand as I lead him to the door. Inside the shop was a madhouse. Everyone was booked up, and there were a few walkins sitting in the chairs hoping for someone to open up. I had been hoping that God would bless us with a slow day so I could go home and clean up alittle and then head to bed early, but that wasn't happening.
"You better go on home," I turned to Justin. "I'm gonna be awhile."
"You sure?"
"Yeah. I'll call you when I'm ready, okay?"
"Yeah," he leaned down to give me a kiss. "Love you."
"Love you too."
"I'll be back."
The bell above the door rang as he left, and I turned back to the madness infront of me.
"Aleena, do you wanna handle her," Andrea motioned to a woman sitting in one of the dryer chairs. "She's a virgin relaxer."
I nodded, going to my station and pulling out my utensils.
"Remember you gotta go easy on her Andrea, she's with child," one of the other hairdressers commented.
I rolled my eyes at her. I didn't need special treatment because of my baby. As long as I could still see my feet I was just like any one of them.
"Oh yeah, how was that doctor appointment?" Erika inquired, cutting layers into the weave of the girl in her chair.
"It was alright. I'm about 3 weeks along," I waved the waiting woman over.
"Boy or girl?"
"Can't tell yet."
"You and Timberlake decide on names yet?"
"Not yet, but we're getting closer."
"Decide on a wedding date?" The client in Andrea's chair asked.
"We're getting closer on that one too."
"Ya'll only got a couple days left, right? If you want it done before you take off," Erika's client asked.
Damn, did EVERYONE know our business?
"Well, we're thinking about doing it at City Hall."
"City Hall huh? Am I still invited?"
"Ofcourse." If it wasn't for all of the drama, some of which she was the direct cause of, then Justin and I might never have realized how in love we were, we might not have even been getting married.
Erika simply shrugged and went back to her layers.
"That's it? You don't have any other opinions than that?" I asked her, parting my clients hair.
"I don't have anything else to say."
It seemed like everyone and everything in the room stopped moving at that point, and all eyes turned to look at her, myself included. Erika always had something to say. Here I thought Justin was just being a brat when he claimed that Darrell was laying it down, both sexually and mentally, on her, but I guess the boy was right.
"What?" She looked around at us all. "Oh fuck ya'll. I can not have an opinion if I want. Ya'll ain't gotta look at me like I got 3 heads or some shit, damn."
Everyone slowly but surely stopped looking at her as she continued on with her hair cut. She had to at least know that she was acting a bit out of the ordinary. I continued on with my clients, doing about five heads before lunch and by that time I was completely drained. But we still had a lot more to go. Tanya and Crystal walked in while Erika and I were finishing up with our clients. Erika was cleaning up her station a bit and I took a minute to breathe.
"You coming?" She asked, picking up her purse.
"What?"
"To lunch girl. You all right?" She stepped over to me.
I sighed and nodded.
"Yeah, I'm alright. Let me straighten up a bit."
I had forgotten that it was Saturday, and that we were suppose to have lunch. I cleaned up my station before I left and we all headed out to our usual restaurant. We sat down at the table and looked through our menu's.
"Leena?" Tanya called over to me.
I looked up.
"Yeah?"
"You alright girl? You look like hell."
Well gee, thanks for telling me how I look in such a sweet manner.
"Yeah, I'm just really tired. This pregnancy shit isn't any fun to start off with."
She nodded and reached over to rubb my hand as I put down my menu and sat back in my seat.
"So, where's Nashay at?" Erika asked.
"I don't know. She just said she wouldn't be able to make it to lunch," Crystal replied.
Erika looked at me from the corner of her eye and laughed while I shrugged.
"The girl could have came. I would have been civil to her, or not say anything at all," I told them.
Actually, the way I was feeling right now, if she did come and spoken a word to me I probably would have hauled up and slapped her stupid ass. I don't know if I can blame that one on the hormones or if that was just the way I felt about her.
"Anyways, so how far along are you Leena?" Crystal asked as the waiter came to the table and sat down two plates of appetizers and our drinks.
"Three weeks." I rubbed my stomach with a smile.
"So, what are your plans for the wedding?"
I reached out and took a sip of my raspberry lemonade.
"We are thinking about just going to City Hall. Just a very intimate gathering. I'm too worn out to plan a big wedding and all that."
"That sounds like a good idea. Just small and simple. Any baby names?" Tanya smiled.
"I was thinking Emerance for a girl."
"Emerance? I've never heard that before. What kind of name is that?" Erika asked.
"I heard it on TV. I don't really know if it's a real word."
"That should be interesting," Crystal said with a mouthfull of food.
The sight of it didn't do very well with my stomach. So, I excused myself and went into the bathroom to undeniably vomit. I was in there for about five minutes, and when I came back out our food was all ready on the table and everyone was looking at me as I sat back down at the table.
"You alright girl?"
"Yeah." I sipped on my lemonade and began to eat what I could of my food.
We went through our lunch ritual, with just small talk. Most of it revolved around me, but at least now it was about positive things goin on instead of drama. After we finished lunch, Erika and I went back to the shop and it seemed like the list of clients coming in and out of the shop wouldn't end. We eventually, since it was getting late into the day, had to turn some people down, instead we took their numbers and scheduled them appointments. It was good for us though because I made a bucket load of cash, which Justin and I always needed and would put to good use.
It was around 11 o'clock when I called Justin to come pick me up. I was way past being tired, I was completely exhausted. After I cleaned up my station and put my coat and everything on, I dozed off in my chair while Erika waited with me until Justin arrived. I was startled when the bell above the door rang and Jay came strolling in.
"Hey baby."
"Heyyy," I dragged softly.
He walked over to me and helped me out of my seat before wrapping his arm around my shoulder as we headed outside into the blistering cold. I looked over my shoulder to see Erika locking up.
"Thanks for waiting with me Erika."
"No problem Boo, go get some sleep."
I nodded because that was exactly what I had planned on doing once we got to the house. Erika probably was going to go over to Darrell's that night. I hadn't heard or seen much of her since she and D made their thing offical. I was really happy for her because she needed a man that was going to stand up to her and put her in her place a bit when she needed it. She was a little too quick for most guys, but D was holding it down, as Jay would say.
Justin opened the car door me and I slid inside as he closed it, then jogged around the front of the car and climbed in himself before pulling away from the curb.
"So, you were working mad crazy, right?"
I nodded, rubbing my face.
"It seemed like everyone in town wanted to get their hair done and we were like the only shop in town that did hair."
He chuckled, reaching over and rubbing the back of my neck which released some of the tension that I had.
"Well, ya'll do be doing the damn thing, ya'll can do some hair like it ain't nothing."
"Yeah, and I'm glad for that because we made really good money tonight."
"That's good."
"What did you do?" I yawned.
"I went over to your Mom's house and printed out some of those apartment places you had saved in the book marks."
"Yeah?"
"We can look them over tomorrow after you get some sleep, because we've got to pick one soon. Tomorrow would be great because we only have a couple more days."
"Five to be exact."
"Yeah, so we've got to get this ball on the road baby." He looked over to me and smiled.
"Yeah, I know."
To be perfectly honest I was nervous as hell about leaving Chicago. I mean, I always wanted to get out of here and I had every reason to want to get out of here. But this was still home to me. This is where I grew up, where I went through all my heart aches, and good times, and girl fights. The salon was my first real job and these were my people. Now we were moving down south where everything was much slower, people went about their life much slower, and I didn't know anyone down there. I had to make friends all over again, and the friends I have now took me awhile to get.
I guess I was most scared about being away from my Mom and my brother. That was going to be hard for me. I couldn't just drive fifteen minutes away during the spare of the moment and go to my Mom's house. I had to actually plan and fly back up to Chicago to come see her. I think that when it's actually time for us to leave, it's going to be the hardest part of it all. That and leaving Erika. Yeah, she gave Justin and I hard times, but she was still my girl.
I started to get teary eyed just thinking about it.
"Lee, you okay baby?" Justin asked, as we sat at a stop light.
I sniffled a bit and smiled over at him, reaching over and squeezing his hand.
"Yeah, I'm okay. Just thinking."
We pulled off from the light and finally pulled into my apartment complex and parked. I opened the door stepping out and meeting Justin in front of the car as we walked up the stairs together. After pulling off my jacket and scarf and hanging them up on the coat rack, I headed straight for the bed as Justin's hand gripped my waist and he followed in behind me.
I was so exhausted that I just pulled off my sweater and slipped out of my jeans. I plopped down on the bed, slipping on my night gown and a pair of socks and crawled into the bed without tying up my hair. Justin soon followed suit, pulling off his t-shirt and jeans and slipping into bed beside me. I curled up next to his warm body as he whispered softly.
"What were you thinking about in the car?"
I opened my eyes and stared ahead at the wall.
"'Bout leaving here."
"You scared?"
"Yeah. A little."
He wrapped his arms tightly around me and I felt his soft lips kiss my forehead as we laid there. I finally closed my eyes and started to drift off to sleep. Just as I was almost out Justin whispered into my hair.
"Me too Lee, me too."
I woke up the next morning sick to my stomach and spent the first twenty minutes of my morning huddled over the toilet. I read in a book somewhere that some women have morning sickness all through their pregnancies, I just prayed that I didn't because I don't know if my stomach could take such a thing. Justin sat with me, rubbing my back and holding my hair. It was early in the morning and he was half asleep himself, but he was still there. I sat there for another ten minutes, just to make sure I could finally get up. I got up and brushed my teeth.
"God this sucks," I groaned, my mouth full of tooth paste.
Justin flushed and cleaned off the toliet for me. He was such a big help.
"You're sure you're done?"
I nodded.
"For now."
"You have to be hungry by now."
"Starving."
He chuckled and leaned over, kissing the side of my head.
"I'll make you something."
"Okay. Make something lite though," I said.
He nodded as he walked out of the bedroom and headed into the kitchen.
'A nice hot shower should do me some good,' I thought as I turned around and turned on the shower.
I let it warm up as I twisted my hair up and held it in place with a clip. As the bathroom started to feel up with steam I hopped in the shower and when I was finished I slipped into one of Justin's hooded sweat shirts and a pair of pajama pants. When I moved from the bedroom to the dining room area as Justin was setting down a plate with a bagel and cream cheese, some cantalope pieces on the side, and a glass of orange juice.
"Mmm looks good." I kissed his cheek before sitting down.
He smiled, leaning down and kissing my lips.
"Yeah? I thought I would start you off with this and see how you do."
"Thanks baby."
I was so lucky to have a boyfriend as supportive as Jay was. Any other guy would have just fixed me a bowl of cereal and called it a day, but Justin actually put thought in the things he did for me, even the simple things. He sat down with me as he ate some of his bagel.
"So, how you feeling now?"
"Still a bit woozy, but it's coming along." I sipped on my orange juice.
"You know what I can't wait for?"
"What?"
"To see you with your stomach all poked out and shit, waddling down the hall," he chuckled.
"I will not waddle."
"Oh, you're gonna waddle. All pregnant women waddle."
"Yeah, and I bet you will be thrilled to see that."
"Hell yeah, won't you?"
"You know, you're going to have to tie my shoes for me, and if I drop something you'll have to pick it up, and you'll have to carry things for me."
"Tie your shoes?"
"Yeah. Justin, I wouldn't be able to see my feet, let alone bend down to tie my shoes."
"Well, we're going to get you some slip on shoes."
I threw a piece of fruit at him, but he caught it and put it in his mouth.
"Don't waste food."
I rolled my eyes and took a bite out of my bagel.
"You're going to look damn sexy, all plump and juicy for the pickin!" He said with a southern accent.
I laughed, shaking my head. He was being so silly this morning, and it was helping to take my mind off of my qweasy stomach.
"Don't we need to call City hall and stuff about the wedding?"
"Oh yeah, but we'll have to do tomorrow though. Today's Sunday."
I nodded. It was getting closer and closer to that time when Justin and I will be saying our vows and starting off somewhere new with our life. Together. We were going to be living in the same house and taking care of a baby. I constantly wandered if our baby is going to be a boy or a girl, of course, but I also wandered if it was going to be more like me or more like him. It was fun to think about.
After Justin and I ate breakfast we sat in the living room watching TLC's "A Baby Story" on the television. I guess it was our little version of research, trying to get an idea of what the birth process was like, and different ideas of things we'd need and how to decorate. Justin was stretched out on the couch, leaning back against the arm, and I laid between his legs against his chest as his hands soothing rubbed my belly.
"God, look how big her stomach is." I frowned at the TV, hoping that I wasn't going to get that big.
"Yeah, sexy," he smirked.
"Jay!" Who knew the weirdo had a closet 'pregnant woman' fetish?
"What? Oh baby now you know you're going to be even sexier all big and chocolate."
"Boy, shut up."
"Girl, you're going to be even more thick! Shit girl yeah," he groaned, shivering in something that resembled a fake orgasm, and I smacked his arm.
He was acting crazy, laughing to himself like he'd said something hilarious. I ignored him, turning back to my TV show and eventually he calmed down and leaned over, kissing my neck.
"I'm just playing with you baby. All I'm saying is that you are going to look even more beautiful carrying my child."
"Well then say that nigga."
"I'm not a nigga, I'm a negro." He attempted to look hurt.
"You're neither, how about that?" I smiled.
"I might not have the skin color baby, that's not my fault, but I sure as hell am packin like one."
See? He's always gotta be perverted about something. I don't know what female had told him that in the past, but I'm sure she had no idea what kind of monster she'd created that I'd be spending the rest of my life dealing with.
I groaned, dropping my head back onto his chest. I wasn't going to sit and have that debate with him, especially infront of my unborn baby. As we laid there, watching televison, the telephone rang. Justin reached behind himself to the endtable and grabbed the reciever, handing it to me.
I took it and answered.
"Hello?"
"Hey Leena, it's Mom."
"Hey Mama."
"Whaddup Ma!" Justin leaned down to yell into the phone and I swatted at him because he was too loud.
She giggled just giggled at him.
"Hello JT."
I repeated to him what she'd said, and he grinned like a little boy.
"Leena, do you have to work today?"
"Yeah, but only for a couple of hours. Why?"
"I was wondering what you and Justin decided to do for the wedding?"
"Oh, well, I think we decided to just go down to City Hall and do there. Then maybe we could all go out to eat or something." I turned to look at Justin and see if there was any hesitation or protest from him. But he was nodding in agreement with me.
"Okay, well, whenever you get off work why don't you stop by because I want to take you to go get a simple little dress or something."
I smiled.
"All right Mom, we'll stop by after I'm done at the shop. Around 3 o'clock?"
"Perfect. Ronny and I will be here."
"Okay. Thanks Mama."
"You're welcome baby. I love you."
"I love you too. Bye."
"Bye."
I hung up the phone and handed it back to Justin so he could hang it up for me.
"We're going to Mom's?"
"Yeah. She wants to take me shopping for a wedding dress."
His arms tightened around me and I couldn't help but giggle. We always got excited over the mention of our impending wedding. And Justin, with his one track mind, tried his best to channel that excitement into a roll in the bed together before I had to head off to the shop, but I knew we had more important things to worry about. Like our apartment in Virginia. I finally got him to focus on the papers he'd printed, and we decided on one and a backup just in case. Ofcourse the decision came with some whining and a few wimpy 'Honey, I want this one' statements on my part, but eventually he caved in and let me have my way. We gave the building managers a call and both of them wanted to fax us applications, so we had them send it to my Mother's. Justin could fill them out while Ma and I shopped and then we could send them back that evening to be looked over first thing Monday morning.
We watched another episode of A Baby Story, Justin continuing on with his 'I Love Buddha Bellies' shtick, before I got dressed and headed down to the shop. We took my car this time, so I could drive. Watching all of those women made me realize that my days of driving were probably numbers. One of those women hadn't been able to fit behind the steering wheel, so I wanted to get my fill of driving in now before I had no choice but for Jay to shuttle me around. I only had two heads to do, so Justin took a seat and took control of the television as I gossiped with the other girls. Erika wasn't working today, and I figured she was spending her time with Darrell.
Just before 3pm I cleaned up my station, stuffed my rent money into the locked drawer in Andrea's station and summonded Justin out to the car. This was the first time I hadn't seen him overly excited to go visit my Mother, and I think it had something to do with the fact that he was going to be left alone with my brother. But I didn't mention it, because I didn't want to worry him even more.
"This ain't right you know," he whined. "You driving the car and me riding shot gun. I'm the man, I'm supposed to be driving."
I rolled my eyes, ignoring his sexist complaint. A few minutes later we pulled up infront of my Mothers, and she was waiting on the porch, ready to go.
"Come on, we have to get there before the store closes."
She gave Justin a hug, told him where to find the application papers for the apartments, and practically shoved me into her car before I could even kiss him goodbye. She whisked me away to this little boutique she loved downtown. From the outside it looked like a hole-in-the-wall, but it was filled with expensive couture dresses. We declined the help of a sale associate, instead choosing to roam aimlessly through the small isles, picking up a pretty dress here and there.
"So, tell me everything, what did the doctor say?" She probed, leaning over my shoulder as I inspected a long crochet dress.
"There's not much to tell, everything is so far so good. I'm about 3-4 weeks along. The baby is healthy and growing normally. They think I'll go into labor sometime next August."
"Oh August! That's so exciting," she gushed. "Have you decided if you're going to want to know the sex of the baby?"
"Actually we were toying with the idea of keeping it a surprise and finding out when the baby is born."
"So I'll have to buy all yellow things for my grandbaby."
"Well, Justin explicitely told me that he was not in favor of yellow."
"Then what color?"
"He wants green."
She mused over it for a minute, nodding her head back and forth.
"Green could work. A pale seafoam green. Or maybe that soothing green, you know, the one spas use a lot?"
I poked out my lips and gave her a look. She was always taking his side on things. If I had said green, she would have called me insane, but Justin says green, and it's a great idea. My crazy Mom adored my weirdo fiance.
I was in the dressing room, modeling my white crochet dress when my Mother stuck her head in.
"You're future husband's on the phone," she smiled, waving my cell back and forth.
I took it from her with a grin.
"Hello?"
"Baby are you guys almost done?"
"Um... we're somewhere in the middle I guess. Why?" I was trying to hold the phone with my shoulder and unzip my dress at the same time.
"Because, I've got nothing to do."
"Justin go in the living room and turn on the TV."
"I'm sick of watching TV."
"Did you eat lunch? Go get some food."
"Both you and your Mama are gone. Ain't nobody here to cook."
I rolled my eyes. Typical male.
"Well, get to know your future brother-in-law."
"Did that shit already too," he grumbled. Suddenly I knew why he was calling me and whining so much.
"Is Ronny being mean to you?"
"What? Naw, Ronny's cool."
"Mmhmm." I knew how my brother was. He'd probably been interogating Justin since the moment we pulled out of the driveway.
"Well, I've only got a couple more dresses to try on and then we'll head back to the house, okay?"
"Fine," he mumbled, a little disappointed before he let out a dramatic sigh.
I thought was giving birth to a baby, not getting married to one.
"You'll survive," I promised him.
"Yeah," he grumbled again. "Did you find any dresses you like?"
"There's a couple. But the prices are a little high so I don't know if I'll be buying anything."
"Lee, it's our wedding. You can splurge alittle."
"But there's other things we have to worry about Justin. Moving, and paying the expenses on an apartment. Buying things for the baby, food and diapers. Tuition for when I start school again."
"Lee, baby, what do I always tell you?"
I rolled my eyes. He always asked me this when he felt like I was getting to worked up over something, which seemed to be alot lately.
"That Jay's going to take care of me."
"And do you trust me?"
"Yes."
"Okay then, you take care of your little Buddha belly, and I'll take care of everything else."
I let out a sigh and some of my tension went with it. For the moment I felt a little bit of relief, knowing that he was by my side. I felt better, knowing that there was going to be a sold man in my life who would be the head of my household and take on the responcibility of making sure that my baby and I would have everything we'd ever need.
"Okay. I trust you, so I'll try," I told him.
"Alright. And you'll hurry up and get back, right?"
"I'll be back as soon as I can."
"Okay. I love you baby."
"I love you too Jay."
"Bye."
"Bye."
"Awww," suddenly my Mom's head appeared between the curtains again, "did he call just to whisper sweet nothings in your ear?"
"He called to say that I needed to come back as soon as possible." I turned back to the mirror when she looked my dress over and shook her head 'no'.
"You two never could stand being apart for more than a few hours."
"True, but he wants us back because Ronny is giving him the third degree."
"I told that boy not to do that."
"Like Ronny ever does anything you tell him too," I smiled.
"True. I guess we better hurry then."
We finished our shopping, and I decided on a white satin slip dress. It was simple, and elegant, and sexy. I already owned a white trench to wear over it incase I ever got cold. As a wedding present, my Mother paid for the dress for it. Considering it cost more than my car note, I was more than grateful. It wasn't until we were on the way back to her house that I realized that my wedding dress was resting in the back seat. My wedding dress.
We stayed at my Mother's for a few minutes, so Justin could have a quick visit with her before we headed home. We stayed at my apartment again that night. Erika was there, but she and Justin got along alot better now. Well, I won't say they get along, because they still squabbled over stupid things from time to time, but they made a larger effort to tolerate eachother for the sack of my sanity. Justin and I headed off to bed early that night, and when I got up that morning he had already left for work. I did my regular day at the shop, and called City Hall on my lunch break. It was Monday afternoon, and we had booked our flight for Thursday morning, so we didn't really have all that much of a choice as to when we got married. It was set for Wednesday evening. Now all we had to do was survive the next 48 hours that we would be bursting at the seams with excitement.
I woke up Tuesday morning sick to my stomach again, but luckily this time I didn't have to resort to running to the bathroom. I had to go in early for work so I left three hours after Justin did. Today would be his last day, and today would be my last day as well because tomorrow was the wedding, and the next day we are on a plane out of here. I went to the shop, and was planning on only being there will about noon time or a little later. Erika and the girls decided that tonight we would go out and have dinner for the last time. I figured that was a good idea, plus it would give Justin a chance to hang out with his boys one last time.
Of course the word had gotten around fast that I was getting married tomorrow and was leaving town the following day. Some of my clients gave me a little extra money and the ones I really adore --or I would say adored me?-- brought me wedding gifts and house warming presents. As I was cleaning up after my last client, Andrea came over to me.
"Leena?"
I was sitting in my chair bent over slightly packing up my rollers and putting everything into the containers I had brought in.
"Yeah?" I looked up at her.
"Come here for a second."
I stood up and walked behind her as she stood in the middle of the salon.
"Everyone, listen up please."
I had no idea what she was doing when she wrapped one arm around my shoulder while everyone turned and listened.
"Everyone knows it's Aleena's last day here, and I just want to say that I've enjoyed having you here. Aleena, you are the definiton of a young, strong, black woman in my book and I just want to say that I'm going to mi--," she stopped for a minute as she got choked up a bit and I was too. "I'm going to miss you. I have enjoyed having you here, just like everyone else has, and I just want to say that I know you want to start your own salon."
She stepped away from me, went into the backroom, and came out with a huge box.
"So all of the girls, and even some of your clients, pitched in to buy you some new top of the line equitment."
I couldn't believe it. I had no idea that they were even thinking of doing any of this for me.
"That's from the girls..." she smiled.
Then she reached into her apron pocket, pulling out a pink envelope.
"...And this is from me, to help get you started on with your own salon." She handed it to me as she sniffled.
I opened it up, looking at her as I my eyes watered. It was a check for two thousand dollars.
"Oh my God, Andrea!"
I wrapped my arms around her, hugging her tightly.
"Thank you sooo much!"
"No, baby girl, thank you. You deserve every cent of that money, because I know you are going to be real big down there in V.A.," she chuckled, hugging me just as tight.
I received so much love as I left to head home, and my car was riding to the ground with all that stuff in the back. I got to the house and went inside to take a nap because my back was killing me again and my feet hurt. After lying down for a couple of hours, Justin came strolling into the room and laid down on the bed beside me, smelling like dust.
"Boy get off my clean bed!"
He chuckled, wrapping his arm around my waist, nuzzling into my back, and planting a kiss on the side of my neck.
"How you feeling baby? Better?"
"I'm really good."
"That's good, because I'm beat." He sighed deeply into my hair.
"Mmm, my poor baby. Well I'm going to dinner with Erika and the girls one last time."
"Really?"
"Yeah, why don't you go chill with your boys or something?"
"Alright," he breathed out, but he made no attempt whatsoever to move.
He fell asleep once I got up to get a shower after hearing Erika walk into the door. I took a shower, coming out of the bathroom to see Justin lying in the bed snoring a bit. He was really cute when he slept. I went through my closet and pulled out a black skirt, with a pair of black leggings, a maroon sweater, and a pair of boots. I placed my hair in a little ponytail and put on some light make-up. I stepped out of the bedroom as Erika was leaving hers.
"Ready to go?" She asked smiling.
I nodded.
We lefted the apartment after I put on my black trench coat, and she drove to the restaurant. It was a nice bistro downtown, a lot more upscale than the one we usually went too. Crystal and Tanya were, waiting at the table as we walked in and sat down after I hugged them. There was no sign of Nashay, and I was glad. We sat and chit chated over nothing while we waited for the food we had ordered to come. Everyone had wine while I had an iced tea. Towards the end of the evening, Erika held up her wine glass.
"Let's make a toast."
I smiled over to her.
"Well, Aleena, I just want to say girl, I love you so much. You truly are a great friend. You have always been there for me, and I just wish I could take back those times that I gave you a hard time for being with Justin, and have just been a friend to you. So, I just want to wish you luck with Justin and the baby. Even though I don't get along with Justin, I know that he will take care of you...and...I love you," she giggled as she wiped the tears from her eyes.
"I love you too, Erika."
"Okay my turn." Crystal smiled.
I looked over to her as she started to speak.
"Leena, you are a true solider for dealing with all that drama for the past couple of months, and I'm sure we didn't exactly make it any better sometimes."
"True."
We all giggled happliy.
"Well, you know we love you, and we are going to come see your ass and our nephew or niece as soon as they are born, so don't think you going to get down there and not see us girl. I love you, and I wish you so much happiness until you burst." She smiled, sipping her wine.
"Thank you. I love you too girl."
"Okay, now it's my turn." Tanya sat up in her chair. "The best for last."
Erika rolled her eyes playfully.
"Leennnnaaa baby, you are a fine, strong, sista and I know that this baby is going to be lucky to have a Momma like you. I'm going to keep this short because I might just cry all over this table. I love you, Justin, and the baby. Ya'll are going to be great parents... well you might, I don't know about Justin. He's a little slow sometimes."
I laughed, because we knew that she wasn't lying.
"But I wish you well."
I felt so good inside after that point, I couldn't hold back my tears. These were my girls, my true Sex in the City girls, down to ride-or-die. These were my girls, and I know I would never find any other girls that were as close to my heart as them.
"Well, I love you guys too and I'm going to miss you, ya'll know you are my girls ."
We tapped our glasses together. It was a new beginning for our long time friendships.
"Hey, girl," Justin announced his presence as he came down the hall.
I had been home for about an hour, and Justin had walked in a few minutes ago. When I returned from my dinner with the girls, he was gone, and when he came in to put his jacket away, his breath smelled like alcohol, so I guess he had gone to see his boys like I suggested. We had decided to stay at my apartment that night, and would be at his apartment on our wedding night. I was laying on the bed, resting my back. Lately my lower back had been killing me and the only time I felt relief was when I could lay down and straighten my spine. If it hurt now, I was scared as what it would feel like when I was carrying an extra 10lbs out in front of me.
"What?" I asked him.
He laid across the bed, resting his head in his palm and looking down at me. I reached up, rubbing the short hairs on the top of his head.
"Guess what we're doing tomorrow."
I smiled instantly.
"Getting married."
He grinned, removing my hand from the top of his head and holding it in his.
"In a few hours if you think about it. Crazy ain't it?"
Now, I know that on the eve of your wedding day the bride and groom are supposed to spend the night in seperate places. But, Justin and I were an unconventional couple, having a slightly unconventional wedding. I figured that if I could show up pregnant to our wedding, then we had earned the right to smudge tradition where we felt nessecary. I felt like the night before was just as special as the night of and I didn't want to spend it without him.
"Yeah it is," I agreed. All of the things we'd been stressing over would be here and gone in a matter of hours.
"Are you still scared?" He whispered.
"A little bit. Just because it's different. I don't know what to expect."
"I don't know what to expect either," he confessed. "But you know, if you're not sure then we could wait."
I didn't know if he was talking about getting married or moving, but I didn't want to wait on either.
"No," I said sternly. "I don't want to wait for anything."
"I just don't want you to feel like I'm rushing you into anything. I want you to be comfortable."
"I am Jay, you're not rushing me. I want to marry you, more than anything. And I want to move, for us and for our baby. It's just that when we get there, I won't be in control of any of it. Here, I know my way around, and I have my job, and if something happens there's people I can call. There, I'm starting over, which is good, but there's nothing for me to fall back on."
Justin didn't say anything for a moment, and he shifted around, laying properly on the bed next to me and pulling the blanket up over us. Again he rested his chin in his palm, looking down at me.
"You know, when I called Georgina before I proposed to you, we had a long conversation."
"Yeah?" He hadn't told me anything about what he and my Mom had talked about, only that he had asked her permission.
"Yeah. Well, it was more like she talked and I listened, but it was long."
I giggled.
"She kept telling me that she was handing over her baby girl to me, and that I better make sure that I can take care of you and our baby. She said she was trusting me with the most precious thing in her life, and that I better be the man that she knew I was inside, and be all of the things you were going to need in a man."
"She said that?" I asked softly, my eyes already getting watery.
He nodded.
"She said you were going to need someone to protect you, from the world and yourself, because you can be really hard on yourself Lee. And she said you needed a compass, to guide you when you lose your way. You needed someone to lift you up, when you're down. You needed a therapist, to vent to and to get advice from. She said you needed a partner, who would stand by you through all the rain, and all the sunshine. And she said you needed someone dependable and trustworthy, because so many people in your life haven't been that to you." He reached down and wiped away the dropplets of water that had slipped from my eyes.
"I promised her I would be all of those things to you Lee. So don't think that you're gonna get down to Virginia and not have anyone to turn to, cause I'm going to be there. You'll always have me, and you can fall back on me because I'll always take care of you. It may not be legal yet, and other people may not recognize it, but I'm your husband, Lee. I'll always protect you, and guide you, and lift you up, and listen to you, and give you advice, and be your partner. I'm your husband."
I couldn't even think of anything to say to him in responce. I had no idea that my Mother had been so honest with Justin, and cautioned him about all of the things she expected from him. I figured that she just loved him from day one and that was it. But she'd been looking out for me. But I was thinking about everything Justin had said, and it all made sense. In every way that it mattered, he already was my husband.
"That kinda brings me to the reason I really came in here," he said, smirking mysteriously at me.
"Why?"
"Do you remember back when we had first started dating, and I was singing the the shower one day when you came over? I didn't know you were in here?"
"Yeah, I remember. I kept asking you to sing for me again, but you never did. Said you were messing around."
He nodded.
"Well, I'm supposed to get your a wedding present, and I know we're watching our money and everything, so I knew you'd be mad if I bought you something, so I wrote you something instead."
"You wrote me?"
"Yeah," he pulled a piece of paper from his pocket and unfolded it. "Just listen to the whole thing, okay?"
He looked at the paper, and started to sing. His voice was soft so that he and I were the only two people in the world who could possibly hear it, even though Ray had chosen to go stay with Tanya that night no one was home to overhear anyway. But he laid in the bed next to me, in the near darkness, and he sang to me. Words that he had written on his own, straight from his heart.
When life seems hopeless and you're all alone
And no one's there to dry the tear drops from your eyes
When you can't find a single reason left to try
Baby I will
Baby I will
Tell me the secrets that you've locked away
Confide your deepest fears, that haunt you every day
All of the little things no body else could understand
Baby I will
I will
It's alright
I'll be there
Count on me
Anytime anywhere
I'll show you love
Till the end of my life
When no one else will stand by your side
I will
When all you've counted on comes tumbling down
And there's only emptyness that nothing seems to fill
And when you can't remember how to be strong
Baby I will
I will
It's alright
I'll be there
Count on me
Anytime anywhere
I'll show you love
Till the end of my life
When no one else will stand by your side
I will
No one else will stand by your side
I will
It's alright
I'll be there
Count on me
Anytime anywhere
I'll show you love
Till the end of my life
When no one else will stand by your side
I'll be standing right by your side
I will
"You wrote that for me?" I sniffled.
"Yeah. I wanted to give you something that would let you know how I felt about you, and how much I love you."
I giggled as a few tears ran down the side of my face, and I reached over to wrap my arms aorund his neck. I hugged him tightly, crying out of happiness. This was the man I loved, and I knew without a shadow of a doubt that he was the one I would spend the rest of my life. All those fears about moving were gone because I knew the baby and I were in the best of hands.
He rubbed my back softly as we hugged onto each other. I pulled my face from the side of his neck and looked at him.
"I love you so much, Jay."
"I love you too, Lee." He kissed my lips.
We sank down underneath the covers, wrapped up in each others arms as we laid in the complete darkness of the room. Just listening to the rhythm of his heart beat caused me to fall into a relaxing sleep after a soft kiss was placed on my forehead. Tomorrow was my wedding day.
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